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Capresso CoffeeTEAM - John Maradevi's Review
Posted: October 8, 2009, 6:49pm
review rating: 0.0
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Capresso CoffeeTEAM
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More About This Product
Arrow The Capresso CoffeeTEAM has 27 Reviews
Arrow The Capresso CoffeeTEAM has been rated 7.46 overall by our member reviewers
Arrow This product has been in our review database since November 30, 2001.
Arrow Capresso CoffeeTEAM reviews have been viewed 129,451 times (updated hourly).

Quality Reviews
These are some of the best-written reviews for this product, as judged by our members.
Name Ranking
Lin Phillips 8.88
Steve May 8.00
Lisa B. 8.00
Katrina Cordey 7.66
Jeff Rader 7.50

Previous Review Next Review
Ratings and Stats Overall Rating: 8.4
Manufacturer: Capresso Quality: 9
Average Price: $200.00 Usability: 8
Price Paid: $149.00 Cost vs. Value 8
Where Bought: Sur La Table Aesthetics 8
Owned for: 3 months Overall 9
Writer's Expertise: Just starting Would Buy Again: Yes
Similar Items Owned: Everything
Bottom Line: Are you a badass?  Do you eat coal and crap diamonds?  I present your new coffee maker.
Positive Product Points

Programmable (Like, seriously. That control room on the death star? Nothing).  Solid grinder, with no-mess coffee delivery.  Sure there's a new fancy model with a thermal carafe, but I bought this thing for one thing and one thing only... wake me UP.  It does.

Negative Product Points

The grinder nearly killed my girlfriend.  The first time it went off in my bedroom (yes, I keep it in my bedroom), it propelled her body out of bed in a reaction I can only describe as pure, base terror.  I'm now forced to set my alarm clock to one minute before this bad boy kicks the grinder jet engine into full coffee inferno insanity mode, or else she refuses to stay the night.

Detailed Commentary

Over the years, I have accumulated a wide ranging assortment of coffee brewing devices.  From the lowly stove-top percolators, all the way to the automatic gods of espresso divinity, I've tried them all.  But something was lacking along my journey through the dark, caffeine addicted vestibules of life.  I wandered down the dark, shade grown back alleys--the seedy underbellies of the coffee world, my passage marked only by the small handfuls of rich, oily beans dropped into the jittery, greedy hands of instant coffee addicts and Dunkin' mafiosos in exchange for myths and rumors.

I was stumbling sleepily down one particularly dismal twist of road, dodging a handful of shifty-eyed hustlers with starbucks bags full of folgers, thinking I might just find a nice little local place and play a bit of latte-roulette with the locals.  Just then, a glint of light struck me as I crossed over a second alley, dimmer yet, branching from my own.  I rewound three steps and peered, trying to catch the distant light that struck me before.  And as I peered deeper and deeper through the gloom and musty air, I saw a faint glow, almost invisible, arching curiously from a half-hidden doorway.  Yet even as I struggled to make it out, it vanished like a trick of the mind.

"Ah, forget it," I mumbled, "I'm too tired to chase alley cats tonight."
"S'no a damn mangy cat, that" came a voice from behind me in the shadows.
"What?  Who's there?" I stammered, thrown by the nearness of the voice, yet unable to make out its source.
"I'say's no a cat, a feline.  S'a witch what haunt 'is godless stretch you spy." the voice moved deeper into the shadows, but I caught a moving shape.
"Stop!  Who are you?  What do you know about this street?  Stop, I'll give you good beans for your time!" I shouted at the rapidly diminishing form.
"Ha!" came a distant, hissing growl, "beeeeans.... no beeans.  S'a machine you seek... cold, teeeerrible, leave it!  Leeeeaave iiiiiiiiit...." the voice trailed into a low, frothy hiss and silence.

"Hello?"
"Hello!  Sir?"
Nothing.

I should have left.  I should have found that nice cozy local shop--probably could have found an assortment of old boardgames with only some of their pieces long ago replaced with paper clips and packets of sweet n' low.  I didn't.

You must understand me.  I needed this maker.  I needed to touch it, to gently finger its Chinese-made buttons--soft to my touch, yet firm as only silicone with trace amounts of lead can be.  I needed to embrace it firmly, hold it close until the heat from its warm, coil heating element became one with my own heart and we made sweet, sweet coffee together.  I thought again of leaving, but I already knew I must go...

Buying Experience

A++, would buy again!

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Posted: October 8, 2009, 6:49pm
feedback: (0) comments | read | write
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