I used to have a rotating coffee quote on my website. Here are the quotes I used:
"The morning cup of coffee has an exhilaration about it which the cheering influence of the afternoon or evening cup of tea cannot be expected to reproduce." ~Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr. "No coffee can be good in the mouth that does not first send a sweet offering of odor to the nostrils." ~Henry Ward Beecher "A morning without coffee is like sleep." ~Author Unknown "I believe humans get a lot done, not because we're smart, but because we have thumbs so we can make coffee." ~Flash Rosenberg "Mothers are those wonderful people who can get up in the morning before the smell of coffee." ~Author Unknown "Coffee is the best thing to douse the sunrise with." ~Terri Guillemets "Conscience keeps more people awake than coffee." ~Author Unknown "Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever." ~David Letterman "Sleep is a symptom of caffeine deprivation." ~Author Unknown "This coffee falls into your stomach, and straightway there is a general commotion. Ideas begin to move like the battalions of the Grand Army of the battlefield, and the battle takes place. Things remembered arrive at full gallop, ensuing to the wind. The light cavalry of comparisons deliver a magnificent deploying charge, the artillery of logic hurry up with their train and ammunition, the shafts of with start up like sharpshooters. Similes arise, the paper is covered with ink; for the struggle commences and is concluded with torrents of black water, just as a battle with powder." ~Honore de Balzac "Decaf? No, it's dangerous to dilute my caffeine stream." ~Author Unknown "Coffee has two virtues: it is wet and warm." ~Dutch Proverb "Petroleum and coffee had no value a few centuries ago." ~Author Unknown "Coffee is a beverage that puts one to sleep when not drank." ~Alphonse Allais "Coffee smells like freshly ground heaven." ~Jessi Lane Adams "Deja Brew: The feeling that you've had this coffee before." ~Author Unknown "I orchestrate my mornings to the tune of coffee." ~Harry Mahtar "Don't drink coffee in the morning. It will keep you awake until noon." ~Author Unknown "Coffee, which makes the politicians wise, And see through all things with his half-shut eyes." ~Alexander Pope "Suave molecules of Mocha stir up your blood, without causing excess heat; the organ of thought receives from it a feeling of sympathy; work becomes easier and you will sit down without distress to your principal repast which will restore your body and afford you a calm, delicious night." ~Prince Tallyrand "In America you can buy bucket-sized cups of coffee in any flavour you like other than coffee-flavour." ~Author Unknown "Coffee in styrofoam is against my religion." ~Betsy Caņas Garmon "You know you've been playing too much Nethack when you refer to coffee as a potion of sleep resistance." ~Sweeney Todd Lundgren "I never drink coffee at lunch. I find it keeps me awake for the afternoon." ~Ronald Reagan "Coffee, n. break fluid." ~Author Unknown "This coffee tastes like mud! Well, it was ground this morning." ~Old Vaudeville joke "I like my coffee strong, not lethal!" ~M*A*S*H "Behind every successful woman is a substantial amount of coffee." ~Stephanie Piro "Coffee and tobacco are complete repose." ~Turkish Proverb "I had some dreams, they were clouds in my coffee." ~Carly Simon "In Seattle you haven't had enough coffee until you can thread a sewing machine while it's running." ~Jeff Bezos "Black as the devil, Hot as hell, Pure as an angel, Sweet as love." ~Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Perigord "Coffee in England is just toasted milk." ~Author Unknown "I could smell myself awake with that coffee." ~Jaesse Tyler "I have measured out my life with coffee spoons." ~T.S. Eliot "Actually, this seems to be the basic need of the human heart in nearly every great crisis - a good hot cup of coffee." ~Alexander King "Coffee leads men to trifle away their time, scald their chops, and spend their money, all for a little base, black, thick, nasty, bitter, stinking nauseous puddle water." ~The Women's Petition Against Coffee, 1674 "Retirement is one great big giant coffee break." ~Author Unknown "All the coffee in Columbia won't make me a morning person." ~Author Unknown "Do I like my coffee black? There are other colors?" ~Author Unknown "Nothing is sad on a beautiful morning save to look down and realize you just had the last sip of coffee and the mug sits indifferently empty." ~Terri Guillemets "It is inhumane, in my opinion, to force people who have a genuine medical need for coffee to wait in line behind people who apparently view it as some kind of recreational activity. I bet this kind of thing does not happen to heroin addicts. I bet that when serious heroin addicts go to purchase their heroin, they do not tolerate waiting in line while some dilettante in front of them orders a hazelnut smack-a-cino with cinnamon sprinkles." ~Dave Barry "Coffee makes us severe, and grave, and philosophical." ~Jonathan Swift "The voodoo priest and all his powders were as nothing compared to espresso, cappuccino, and mocha, which are stronger than all the religions of the world combined, and perhaps stronger than the human soul itself." ~Mark Helprin "A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems." ~Paul Erdos "Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat." ~Alex Levine "I'll quit coffee. It won't be easy drinking my Bailey's straight, but I'll get used to it. It'll still be the best part of waking up." ~From the television show Will and Grace "Good communication is just as stimulating as black coffee, and just as hard to sleep after." ~Anne Morrow Lindbergh "Given enough coffee, I could rule the world." ~Author Unknown "I think if I were a woman I'd wear coffee as a perfume." ~John Van Druten "A cup of coffee - real coffee - home-browned, home ground, home made, that comes to you dark as a hazel-eye, but changes to a golden bronze as you temper it with cream that never cheated, but was real cream from its birth, thick, tenderly yellow, perfectl" ~Henry Ward Beecher "Among the numerous luxuries of the table...coffee may be considered as one of the most valuable. It excites cheerfulness without intoxication; and the pleasing flow of spirits which it occasions...is never followed by sadness, languor or debility." ~Benjamin Franklin "Many people claim coffee inspires them, but, as everybody knows, coffee only makes boring people even more boring." ~Honore de Balzac "If this is coffee, please bring me some tea but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee." ~Abraham Lincoln "I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time." ~Steven Wright "Like everyone else who makes the mistake of getting older, I begin each day with coffee and obituaries." ~Bill Cosby "During the Depression, or back when we were fighting Hitler, people didn't have time to sue a company if the coffee was too hot. There were urgent, pressing problems. If you think you have it tough, read history books." ~Bill Maher "A 41-inch bust and a lot of perseverance will get you more than a cup of coffee - a lot more." ~Jayne Mansfield "Almost all my middle-aged and elderly acquaintances, including me, feel about 25, unless we haven't had our coffee, in which case we feel 107." ~Martha Beck "Cigarettes and coffee: an alcoholic's best friend!" ~Gerard Way "Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?" ~Steven Wright "Do you know how helpless you feel if you have a full cup of coffee in your hand and you start to sneeze?" ~Jean Kerr "I began wearing hats as a young lawyer because it helped me to establish my professional identity. Before that, whenever I was at a meeting, someone would ask me to get coffee." ~Bella Abzug "I don't know how people live without coffee, I really don't." ~Martha Quinn "I like cappuccino, actually. But even a bad cup of coffee is better than no coffee at all." ~David Lynch "If I asked for a cup of coffee, someone would search for the double meaning." ~Mae West "It is surely easier to confess a murder over a cup of coffee than in front of a jury." ~Friedrich Durrenmatt "Once you wake up and smell the coffee, it's hard to go back to sleep." ~Fran Drescher "Our culture runs on coffee and gasoline, the first often tasting like the second." ~Edward Abbey "Probably millions of Americans got up this morning with a cup of coffee, a cigarette and a donut. No wonder they are sick and fouled up." ~Jack LaLanne "Science may never come up with a better office communication system than the coffee break." ~Earl Wilson "Television is not real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs." ~Bill Gates "When I wake up in the morning, I just can't get started until I've had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I've tried other enemas." ~Emo Philips "When the honour is given to that scientist personally the happiness is sweet indeed. Science is, on the whole, an informal activity, a life of shirt sleeves and coffee served in beakers." ~George Porter "When traveling with someone, take large does of patience and tolerance with your morning coffee." ~Helen Hayes
Some are pretty darn good. My favorites (one is on my signature line) are:
"I believe humans get a lot done, not because we're smart, but because we have thumbs so we can make coffee." ~Flash Rosenberg "If this is coffee, please bring me some tea but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee." ~Abraham Lincoln "Many people claim coffee inspires them, but, as everybody knows, coffee only makes boring people even more boring." ~Honore de Balzac "I'll quit coffee. It won't be easy drinking my Bailey's straight, but I'll get used to it. It'll still be the best part of waking up." ~From the television show Will and Grace
"Coffee leads men to trifle away their time, scald their chops, and spend their money, all for a little base, black, thick, nasty, bitter, stinking nauseous puddle water." ~The Women's Petition Against Coffee, 1674
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