OK - I've just been sat in a cafe having a beer and watching the world go by...
My eye was caught by a member of staff making a coffee and while I'm REALLY not an expert at microfoam, I'm pretty sure the trick I've been missing isn't standing the pitcher on the counter with the steam wand immersed so far into the milk it's screeching while stirring it with a spoon (yes - he did pour it in a mug and deliver it to a table but I really couldn't tell what it was supposed to be)...
Anyway - it got me thinking - I'm sure I can't be the only person to laugh/cry/stare at someone else's coffee mishaps and I reckon it could make an amusing thread, so go on - share you're anecdotes to brighten a Monday!!!
At an airport cafe, the worker dosed the basket full (no grinding, the doser was just filled with grounds), leveled the grounds off back into the top of the doser, then plugged it right into the machine and hit a button--no tamping--then walked over to wring me up. 45 seconds and 6 oz later, I had my... espresso?
I don't think that beats the hilarity of your post though. Great thread idea :)
~Nick
There's a big difference between drinking coffee to wake up and waking up to drink coffee.
A cafe that boasted fresh-roasted coffee of their own opened in Toms River, and I was excited at the prospect of having a local raoster so close to home. Then I went in--for the first and last time--and ordered myself a macchiato. I read on the shops bio that they had one main barista who had worked in cafes all the way through high school and was supposedly pretty good. The first red flag was when she asked me what size macchiato I wanted. I paused, gave her an inquisitive look, and said, "a double?" I was hoping that that was what she was asking. She then turned around to their espresso grinder. A couple thwacks later, she had a full portafilter of grounds, which she crookedly tamped with the plastic attachment on the side of the doser, and locked it into the machine. There was no flush. At this point, my expectations dropped pretty low. But then it got worse. She poured some milk into the pitcher, and as her shots ran and ran (I'm going to say about 40-45 seconds after the drip), she proceeded to whip the pitcher in a violent, circular, vertical motion, bringing the tip from WAY in to WAY out of the milk, provoking some nasty gasping from the steam wand. She then took the overextracted, 2.5 oz shot, dumped it into a paper cup, and poured the milk disaster on top of it to filll about a 12oz cup. To make matters worse, the milk was scalded and burnt to the point of digusting. I don't know where she worked in High School, but she got taught some bad voodoo.
The worst conversation was when I ordered an espresso in Singapore and had the response "Wah, you like strong coffee? I hate it myself!". Classic.
The worst moment was when a 'barista' inserted a dirty brown steam wand into the milk jug after I ordered a cappuccino. Now, it's bad enough not wiping the wand, but we have all seen that before. But brown? It turned out that they made their hot chocolate drinks in the milk jug and still didn't wipe afterwards. The wand was caked with milk residue - I reckon about 3mm or 4mm thick. Almost vomit inducing.
I don't know if this counts because I did it myself...
I was probably around 16 years old when this happened so maybe I can be forgiven...
My mothers coffee maker was broken, but she wanted some coffee.. I couldn't find the stove top percolator, so I made coffee probably in the worst way imaginable... (Which was even worse than the way a percolator makes coffee.)
I took 10 tablespoons of coffee, put it in a medium sized pot on the stove and boiled it for probably a good five minutes.
I swear to God, I never smelled such a sickening smell in my entire life until that day. The "Coffee" produced this smell that made me want to vomit. (Even Turkish coffee doesn't even see that kind of abuse.)
It was as if a million different grinds screamed out at once.... Anyway, I learned my lesson. Who was I to think later on this is actually called "Cowboy Coffee" and is prepared in almost the same way, except that the water isn't boiled, or if it is, it is only done for an extremely short time.
ME: I'll have a mocha smoothie PBTC: What's that? ME: A Mocha smoothie... ? PBTC: {inquisitive look form PBTC} ME: Uhh... make a chocolate smoothie and add a double shot of espresso. PBTC: That's not mocha ME: Chocolate and coffee. That's mocha. PBTC: No it isn't. ME: So... What is mocha? PBTC: I don't know, but it isn't chocolate and coffee.
Yesterday, I went to a new coffee shop that opened up 2 weeks ago. They had 2 posters that I liked, one had a Huge X on it and said under it there is no X in espresso and the other was the espresso field guide poster that I own. With signage like that I was excited for good espresso. The young man handed me a clearly under extracted shot. (less than 14 seconds when I questioned him about it) I suggested he try again and the 2 shots I thought looked good from where I was standing, he cut off and dumped as "too slow". They both tapped the portafilter after tamping. They returned the portafilter scrapings into the doser, they did not run the doser after changing the grind to get rid of the old grind and I believe had no idea how a good shot should look. After 5-6 tries I paid for my coffee and left. I did not even drink it. I felt bad and tipped him. The person I believe was the boss came out to help and was just as clueless as he was.
Too bad they can't make coffee, cute name, not a bad location, nice storefront. So very sad.
Coffeenoobie
Buying advice: GRINDER GRINDER GRINDER. Don't cheap out on the grinder. My coffee treasure map... Click Here (maps.google.com)
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